Grieving for our child who had disabilities or complex needs

UK Helpline: 0 345 123 23 0 4 | tcf.org.uk Our surviving children If we have other children, we have always had to reassure them that we did not love them less because we spent so much time caring for their sibling. Now the whole family has to make many adjustments to our loss. In the past, social activities may have been limited by the disabled child’s needs. Like us, our surviving children may experience guilt when they feel relief that such constraints have gone, even though they loved their sibling dearly and, in many cases, helped to look after them. Along with their grief and sadness, and perhaps unfounded guilt, there could be some resentment. Children may look back and feel as though they missed out due to their sibling’s care needs. Some children may feel that they had to grow up very fast in order to support their sibling. Depending on their age and level of maturity, it may be helpful to explain that it is perfectly normal to have these mixed feelings after a bereavement, and they need not feel bad about them. Focussing on happy memories, perhaps doing some craft or remembrance projects together, may help them. Support for grieving children is provided by various charities, including: Child Bereavement UK: ChildBereavementUK.org Winston’s Wish: winstonswish.org Having surviving children living with a disability, whether or not it is the same condition as their sibling, can cause us great worry. We may be anxious for their future, feel a loss of confidence in our parenting abilities, or that there is too much out of our control. These feelings and fears, whether they are real or unfounded, need to be faced. We might need additional support to cope until we can get back up on our feet again. It may be worthwhile contacting our GP for advice, or a charity for this condition as they sometimes have ongoing support for parents.