Our Surviving Children

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends When our child dies our entire world changes forever, our lives are shattered and our grief is overwhelming. Somehow we must continue parenting our surviving children and step-children, whilst also allowing ourselves to grieve. We may be unable to show our love in the same ways as before, or could become overprotective. We might lack the emotional reserves to support our children through their grief. It is important to allow others to help us support them; we are critical to their healing, but need not be the sole provider of comfort. Our children could be frightened by the depth of our grief, and the realisation that we cannot sort out everything. Their reactions and coping mechanisms may be very different to our own. The age, developmental stage and personality of each of our surviving children will impact on their ability to understand what has happened and how they cope with it. A child’s grief Our children need the opportunity to experience and express their feelings of grief, including sadness, anger, relief and confusion. They need support and encouragement to understand what happened, identify their feelings, release their emotions and embrace their sibling’s memory. Children’s reactions can vary but may well include some of the following physical, behavioural, emotional and social responses: • Crying and feeling sad • Withdrawing and becoming very quiet • Trying to emulate their sibling • Regressing to a younger, happier version of themselves • Living in the past to keep memories alive • Struggling to forgive themselves for things like being mean or fighting with their dead sibling Our Surviving Children