When our sibling has died by suicide

UK Helpline: 0 345 123 23 0 4 | tcf.org.uk Relief “I knew that she was finally at peace but hated myself for feeling that way. While she was alive, there was always hope she’d get better.” In the first days and weeks following our sibling’s death we may be shocked to find ourselves feeling moments of relief. Their death may have brought months or even years of upset and worry to an end. At the same time, we might feel incredibly guilty to be having such thoughts and feelings. In reality, we are not relieved that they have died, but we are relieved that they are no longer in pain, and there is nothing wrong with feeling this way. Anxiety and fear Our sibling’s suicide can make us anxious that we too could one day decide we’ve had enough. Perhaps we worry that there is some sort of familial or genetic link that would predispose ourselves or someone else in our family to die by suicide. If we have children of our own, this could be a particular worry. The fear of future loss can cause us to hold back from loving and caring for others, including a partner. If this is how we feel, it is worthwhile getting our fears out in the open in a safe space rather than letting them build inside. Reflection and rumination Our thoughts might go round and round in circles, as we try to figure out the elusive “why” our sibling died the way they did. But we cannot get inside the mind of another person, and even a note – if they left one – will not tell the whole story. There are probably many reasons and factors that led to this final act.