When our sibling has died by suicide

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends Attitudes to suicide Although many of us do it, such rumination does not do us any good. When we are able, it can help instead to try to recall happy moments in our lives together. If our sibling’s life was troubled, this might take searching through our memories, perhaps going back to early childhood. It is not easy to stop these ruminating thoughts. Some of us find we need to access some professional support to help us to manage these thoughts differently. Attempting suicide was a crime in the UK until 1961. Even today, it remains a crime in some parts of the world. (This is the origin of the phrase “committed suicide”. It is better to say “died by suicide”.) Someone who takes their own life is desperate for their pain to end. According to research, a person will have a kind of tunnel vision, whether or not they were suffering from a mental health condition. This means that they cannot truly comprehend the consequences for those they leave behind. This is often considered to be true, whether it was a planned act or on the spur of the moment. There is no shame in being the sibling of someone who died by suicide, just as there would be no shame if they had died of cancer or in an accident. Let’s try to remember them as a whole person – their unique personality and life story. Even someone who made poor life choices along the way will have had some redeeming qualities. All of this is more important than how they died.