UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk If our child was young and living under our roof, we will face the painful reality of their absence at every turn. Clothes in a wardrobe, a toothbrush in a mug, a box of toys or books are all physical reminders that can cause great emotion. If our child was an adult and living away from us, perhaps in their own home and with their own family, we will feel their absence in other ways. As the terrible finality of what has happened starts to sink in, we may experience a bewildering range of emotions. Many of us repeat in our minds what exactly we were told at the time, or what we were doing when the news reached us. We may later remember this time period quite distinctly, or it could become muddled. We may be plagued with “what ifs” and “if onlys,” as we imagine scenarios with a different outcome. It is also quite normal for parents to feel some unfounded guilt that they were not able to prevent their child’s death. We may feel bad that we are still alive whilst our child is not. These thoughts can be hard to cope with alone, and it can be helpful to talk about them to someone trustworthy. If it is too painful to do this with close family members, a counsellor or support group may provide a safe space in which to talk. Anger can also surface, sometimes unexpectedly. This can be soon after the loss, or it could be months or years later. Often it is triggered by something which seems on the surface to be trivial. We may want to blame someone, or something, for what has happened to our child, and this feeling can be all-consuming. If it turns out that someone was actually to blame, we will have a lot to work through. Experiencing such overwhelming emotions could be new to us, and we may feel frightened or shocked by the changed person we seem to be. These are all normal reactions to grief, and as long as we find safe ways to vent our feelings, we will eventually find that our grief evolves and becomes more manageable.
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