UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk Coping with our grief “I used to sometimes daydream that my child was still alive. This makebelieve gave me a little respite for a few minutes. Then I started to worry that it was a sign of mental illness, but talking it over with a close friend, I realised that I wasn’t actually denying reality. I knew deep inside that he was gone. It was just a temporary coping mechanism.” We miss our child and desperately wish we could turn the clock back. We had no time to prepare for life without them. Our world has fundamentally changed, whereas everyone else seems to be continuing “as normal”. Our daily life may be very different now. Surviving the present moment will be our initial focus, but gradually, we will also come to realise just how much the future has changed. Events we may have looked forward to will now be overshadowed by sadness. It seems that nothing will ever be complete. We want our child to be remembered. Many of us bereaved parents find that spending time and energy on activities to honour our child and keep their memory alive helps us adjust slowly to living without them. This can be as simple as including our child’s name in conversation, telling stories and sharing memories, lighting candles or organising photos. Visiting their grave or some other significant place can provide a focus. Raising funds or awareness for a charity that is connected to our child’s memory or a cause they valued can be a positive experience. Going to places connected with happy memories or enjoying meals that they enjoyed are some other activities we may want to try. There are many more ideas in the TCF Handbook of ideas for remembering our child tcf.org.uk/rememberinghandbook Writing can be a useful and safe way of expressing the confusing emotions associated with the sudden death of our child. Physical exercise can also be a safe outlet for painful emotions. Gentle exercise such as yoga can be meditative and aid relaxation, whilst vigorous exercise such as running or boxing can be a way to express anger and leave us feeling calmer afterwards. Walking, or just being somewhere beautiful such as green spaces or by the sea can boost our mental health.
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