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“One of the best experiences of my life"
Spring is an exciting time of year for TCF, alongside thousands of other charities. A handful of our supporters don their sporty sunglasses, running shoes and a whole lot of courage, to take on marathons in aid of grieving families all over the UK.
This year we got the opportunity to cheer on some of our runners in person - first was the London Landmarks Half Marathon. We had six incredible supporters in this race: Brooke was running in memory of her boyfriend, Jack; Eloise ran in memory of her friend, Tom; Tracey; and Sally, Gill and Teresa, who fundraised in memory of Sarah, Sally’s daughter, although Gill unfortunately could not take part on the day.
The sun was sparkling off the Thames and the crowds quickly grew as hundreds of runners started to pass through the first few miles. If you have ever run or cheered at a marathon, you’ll know how infectious and exuberant the atmosphere is. For those of us who are there to remember someone special, it can be all the more emotional.
There was music, dancing, clapping, cheering, tambourines, whistles, and even some party poppers – and soon enough, our first runners came past our cheer station at mile 11. Sally and Teresa breezed past us (making a half marathon look incredibly easy), waving as we shook our tambourines. Here’s what Sally told us after the race was over:
“It was quite an experience with amazing crowds and glorious weather making London look all the more fantastic. It really gave me a boost seeing you, Paul and Tom [Sally’s family] cheering me on. I am so very grateful for the overwhelming support of family and so many friends and am glad to be able to give back to the charity that has helped me so much. I remembered Sarah with every step and all those beloved children of my TCF friends so sadly lost too soon.”
Eloise, who had never run at all before signing up to take on the London Landmarks Half Marathon, described it as a “privilege to take part for everyone at TCF and run in Tom’s memory for his family. I really had a great time, not bad for someone who had never run 5k at the start of the year! You meet lots of people along the way and lots ask about what TCF does, so beyond the sponsorships it’s great to see firsthand how these events can also raise the profile of charities.”
A few weeks after London Landmarks, we had London Marathon to look forward to. It was another hot, sunny day as we pitched up beside the race route, ready to try to spot bereaved brother Jack on miles 14 and 22. Jack was grinning as he ran through both checkpoints and stopped to hug his mum who had joined us to cheer him on in memory of his brother, Joe.
After he crossed the finish line, Jack shared these words:
“It was one of the best experiences of my life, absolutely brutal from 20 miles in, but the support was out of this world. The whole fundraising and training journey over the last 4 months have been amazing. I’ve had loads of support from friends and family but the family at TCF were the loudest and I’ve had so many messages from all of them. It’s amazing to have raised so much for such an amazing charity!”
Our cheer team felt privileged to support Jack, Brooke, Eloise, Sally, Teresa and Tracey and represent TCF at two of London’s most popular fundraising events. It is truly incredible to see tens of thousands of people challenging themselves in aid of charitable causes – in our case, to ensure that TCF can continue supporting bereaved parents and families in the wake of devastating loss.
Events like these don’t just raise money and awareness for TCF. They offer a special moment of connection for our supporters and their beloved child, friend, sibling, partner, or anyone else they are remembering: Eloise had her friend’s name on her t-shirt; Brooke carried some of her boyfriend’s ashes in a small angel; Sally wrote the names of all her TCF friends’ children on her t-shirt; and Jack had his brother’s name printed on his t-shirt and written on his hands. Each event presents a mixture of emotions for our bereaved runners and we are so proud and grateful to them for taking part. Well done to all of you.
If you’re ever interested in taking part in a challenge event in aid of TCF, or in joining us to cheer on our runners in future races, please do get in touch with us at fundraising@tcf.org.uk.
“A much-welcomed safe place where you can laugh and cry freely and be understood.”
The beginning of spring at TCF brought our first two support days of the year for bereaved parents.
In March, we visited St Sidwell’s Community Centre in Exeter with a team of wonderful bereaved parent volunteers who together welcomed 30 bereaved parents to the venue. The following week, the TCF team and volunteers made their way to Greyfriars Charteris Centre in Edinburgh for the second day supporting 45 parents.
The events began, as all our support days and retreats do, with refreshments, everyone collecting their lanyard with their name, their location, and the name of their beloved child or children and a short welcome and introduction to the day. These were followed by small breakout groups for parents to introduce themselves and their children to each other, with the support of volunteer group facilitators.
Sam’s mum, Mari, commented “The small introductory group session was very supportive and well moderated…And I feel group members felt safe and shared their stories of loss in a supportive way, in the company of moderators who themselves had firsthand experience of similar tragic loss, with many of our young people having struggled with their mental wellbeing. It seems to me that having a small session group at the beginning of the day makes everyone feel less alone and less isolated.”
Throughout the day, there were sharing sessions for parents to choose from that focused on various aspects of grief, such as managing social situations, surviving the early years of child loss, continuing bonds and a memory café, where parents shared precious memories of their child. Bereaved mum, Linda, said; “I attended the memory café…where hearing other people’s memories of their child reminded me of some of the smaller details of my own son’s childhood. It was an uplifting way to end the day thinking about memories which I hadn’t visited for a long time.”
There were also creative activities throughout the day, such as making a terrarium bottle garden or a needle felting workshop. Sessions like these give parents the opportunity to channel their emotions into a calm and creative activity, working alongside other grieving parents, whilst sharing their thoughts with the group if they wish to. Ross’s mum, Julie, mentioned that she, “enjoyed the craft session in the afternoon, it was more relaxed and less intense.” Another bereaved mum said that she “enjoyed doing something creative as a break from talking.”
Both support days had several breaks with refreshments in between activities, including a short walk in the local area. We recognise the importance of making space for parents to take breaks at these events, giving individuals the opportunity to connect with others whose story, thoughts or feelings resonate with them. We encourage all attendees to take what they need, be it fresh air, a little movement, some stillness, refreshments, connection, or something else.
The days finish with a larger group closing session; sharing what has helped, closing thoughts and feelings from attendees and volunteers, and signposting to more layers of support. “This was a nice way to end the day, just affirming that you aren’t alone in your struggles,” said a bereaved father.
TCF are extremely grateful to our volunteers, without whom these events would not be possible. We also thank every parent who attended, shared their grief and love for their children and allowed themselves to be open so that they might find support in the company of fellow bereaved parents.
We want to share a final comment from one of our attendees – a few sentences that summarise exactly why TCF exists and why our staff and volunteers are so dedicated to providing peer support to grieving parents:
“You can stop and look around and see people enjoying themselves in what you would imagine to be such a bleak day. Even though everyone has lost a child or children their resilience is clear to see. The need to survive while honouring our loved ones is our only path forward. It is a much-welcomed safe place where you can laugh and cry freely and be understood.”
View upcoming supportive events with TCF here or contact our team by email at helpline@tcf.org.uk or by phone on 0345 123 2304 to find out more about the peer support available from our charity.
Meet our new trustees
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At the end of 2024, we were delighted to welcome three new trustees to The Compassionate Friends, elected by our members of bereaved parents and siblings. Our trustees are an integral part of the charity and help oversee decision-making to ensure that TCF delivers its goals of offering high quality peer support to grieving parents and adult siblings. Each trustee brings their own professional talents and expertise, but also their own experience of losing a beloved child or sibling.
Tony Bruno
“I am passionate about supporting bereaved families, having experienced the death of my son 7 years ago. I attended Gloucestershire TCF meetings and found great comfort and hope through those meetings and, engaging with (mainly) parents who had suffered similar experiences. I have stayed close to TCF and at one point did enquire about the possibility of establishing a TCF
group in Hong Kong, where I lived at the time.
I founded a charitable organisation in Hong Kong dedicated to youth mental health and suicide prevention, and have had over five years’ experience as a board director of a separate charity that supports young people with mental health challenges. I have held roles as treasurer, member of remuneration committee, and head of fundraising. I founded an annual event that has engaged thousands of people directly and through social media, and generated £700,000 in non-restricted funding.I have developed a deep understanding of the importance of compassionate, community-based support for bereaved families and have acted informally to help people who have had similar experiences to my own. I found great comfort and help from TCF during my journey, and wish to contribute my skills and experience back to TCF. In particular I am keen to leverage my skills to help strengthen TCFs fundraising, digital communication and governance. I have experience developing and implementing growth strategies in businesses and charities and I am particularly interested in helping TCF develop growth plans. Outside of my charitable work, I have had a long, successful career as an executive in business services outsourcing, recently acting as executive vice-president for a worldwide business providing services to tech and online.”
Karen Chandler
“I’m Karen and - unbelievably really - my son Gianni died ten and a half years ago, aged 23. Obviously, like you all, my life has been shattered into a thousand pieces; but these days I find joy, laughter and fulfilment as well as brokenness and pain. Extraordinary, really. I never would have believed it possible. One of the unexpected aspects of my bereavement is that I have trained as a civil funeral celebrant- and enjoy (yes, that’s the right word) working with the bereaved and walking alongside them. As well as this, I ran a small charity for 13 years and am currently a Director of a CIC - so I am steeped in the Third Sector. The Compassionate Friends were a lifeline to me in the earlier days- and I would love to “repay” their compassion, humanity and understanding.”
Jackie Hewitt
“In 2017 I lost my eldest son, Guy, to an accidental overdose, and I stepped overnight into the world of a being a bereaved parent. Although there had been painful times of “anticipated loss” over the years, as Guy experienced many mental health difficulties and substance difficulties, the finality of his loss was still a terrible shock. I found TCF to be gentle and supportive and a local group extended huge compassion and support to both me and my mother (which lifted a weight for me).
My first retreat was an intense experience but vital to me safely connecting and beginning to explore the depths of child loss. I have volunteered at several retreats and help co-facilitate the online group for parents bereaved through alcohol and substance use. My personal and professional values are strongly aligned with TCF. I am honoured to be able to “give back” through being a trustee and to help others as they enter this shared world of child and sibling loss.
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I have worked in both the corporate international and UK mental health charity sectors, taking on strategic and operational leadership roles and active involvement in management restructures and business transformation processes. I have experience of building strong stakeholder relationships across all aspects of an organisation and am familiar with submitting funding bids and reporting to commissioners and donors on service reach, impact and outcomes. I am a BACP accredited counsellor and have a small private practice, supporting clients through change and loss.”
We thank all of our trustees for their dedication to TCF and look forward to working closely with Tony, Jackie and Karen on the board.
Join our national walk, One Step at a Time
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We have launched a national fundraiser running throughout May 2025!
Raise funds for bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents who have lost a beloved child, sibling or grandchild of any age, from any cause. We invite you to walk with your friends and family throughout May. Get out in the fresh air in your local area or discover somewhere new.
We are asking everyone to walk toward a collective target of 962 miles throughout May 2025 – the distance from Broadlands (home of TCF President Patron, the Countess Mountbatten of Burma), to our TCF Memorial Garden in Perth and back again – to honour the memory of our children, siblings and grandchildren.
You can raise money by walking 1 mile or 100, including your dog walks and commutes. Download your digital fundraising guidance here. If you register to take part, you will be invited to end the month with a walk alongside the TCF staff team at Broadlands Estate.
Sign up now!
We know that not everybody will be able to take part in this event, so here are some alternatives if you want to get involved:
- Share our fundraising page on your social media
- Talk to family and friends about what we do
- Donate to our cause
- Support someone close to you to walk One Step at a Time
Applications to stand for election to the Board of Trustees
Do you have passion, skills and expertise that could help The Compassionate Friends (TCF) to continue to develop?
The voluntary role of Trustee with our charity is rewarding and fulfilling. Our current Co- Chairs, Melian Mansfield and George Burn, together with our Board of Trustees, invite interested and qualified applicants to apply to serve on the Trustee Board by standing for election. We currently have 6 spaces for elected Trustees available on the Board. Trustees can each can serve a maximum of 3 elected terms of 3 years as a Trustee (either consecutively or with a break). Although the role of Trustee is voluntary, reasonable expenses are reimbursed.
What do Trustees do?
Trustees play an active role in setting and maintaining the vision, mission and values of the organisation. They set the strategic direction for the charity and offer leadership, define goals, set targets and evaluate performance. Trustees are also responsible for the good governance and financial management of the charity. Our Board meets four times a year (sometimes in person, sometimes online), at the AGM and sometimes at an annual away day. Trustees are very much invited to contribute outside of meetings where needed.
Our charity offering peer support to bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents continues to develop and improve. Despite the challenges of the economic and charity environment, we are continuing our mission of offering support, understanding and hope to bereaved parents and their families, support for our volunteers and staff team, and improving the range of supportive services and activities available to bereaved parents and their families across the UK. We are looking for Trustees that can help us to continue to develop our strategic direction, achieve our goals, continue with strong governance and financial management and help to position our organisation as the principal national charitable organisation offering peer support to bereaved parents and their families.
The Board would particularly encourage applications from individuals with knowledge, skills and experience in:
• Fundraising
• Digital media and communications
• Charity governance and management
We request that you are at least 4 years past your bereavement before applying to serve on the Trustee Board.
Trustees will be energetic ambassadors for TCF and are encouraged to take up and create opportunities to get involved in peer support, fundraising and wider work where appropriate.
The Compassionate Friends (TCF) is committed to providing equal opportunities for all, irrespective of age, disability, ethnicity, sex, religion, sexuality, transgender status and working patterns. We are keen to have a Board that appropriately represents all the communities we serve as an organisation and so would warmly encourage you to apply to be elected as a trustee of TCF if you have experience in any of the above areas.
How do I stand for election?
COMPLETE YOUR APPLICATION FORM AND PERSONAL STATEMENT HERE ** and return it to us by 5 pm on Friday 6 September 2024. Voting will take place between 20 September and 1 November 2024. The results of the election will be announced at the TCF Annual General Meeting on 16 November 2024.
If you would like to speak to a current Board member to find out more about the voluntary role of trustee, please contact Carolyn Brice, CEO at info@tcf.org.uk
** Download a copy of the Application Form and Personal Statement or contact the national office on 0345 120 3785 or by email to request a copy.
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Each year thousands of parents suffer the loss of a son or a daughter. Please help TCF to support families in their time of greatest need.
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