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Scottish Gathering - view from a volunteer
Earlier this year in early May, 100 bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents participated in TCF's Scottish Gathering in Stirling. It was wonderful to see everyone and we welcomed attendees from all over Scotland and the UK to this very special, supportive event. A new team planned and organised the event this year with back-up from the TCF staff team.
Vera was a new member of the organising team and she has shared her reflections as a volunteer at the Gathering below:
"Last year in 2023 the outgoing committee, which as been part of the Scottish Gathering for over 25 years, came to an end. There was a call to form a new committee to continue with the Scottish Gathering into 2024 and beyond. I was asked if I would be willing be a part of the new committee and I agreed. So, for the first time in over 25 years there was a new committee formed to put together the gathering for 2024.
It was a challenge, we didn’t know each other and had very little in common other than being bereaved parents, but with different skills and experiences that seemed to be important and bring different ideas to the table. So we came together in August of 2023 not really knowing what to expect, we knew we had a huge challenge ahead and we wanted to get it right as much as possible for those parents who would be attending and relying on a supportive weekend to help them in their journey.
As I write this I am reminded of my nervousness and how I felt out of my depth, I had never before been on any kind of committee let alone one of such importance. However, we came together in an attempt to help others who have experienced what we all have and because TCF seems to be the organisation that helps us on our journey, we wanted to continue with this event that helps so many of us.
In that first meeting we formulated a vision to provide for the future of the gatherings, knowing we had big footsteps to follow. It wasn’t always easy as plans were being formed - we didn’t always agree on everything - but we persevered though the difficult conversations and put together a programme that we felt was worthy of those that needed the support, a comprehensive package of workshops, discussion groups and activities or just to come and feel safe and supported.
I felt immensely proud of myself as I never in a million years thought I would ever put myself forward for such a task and feel very proud of the committee that we were able to put this forward as an event on our terms for the first time. The success of the event was down to the hard work that everyone involved put into making it possible. We had lots of positive feedback, we also of course had some feedback about how we could improve things going forward and with this in mind we hope to hold future events, albeit with perhaps a few changes that would benefit not only those attending, but the organisation and the TCF community.
So there may be more changes ahead, but our endeavour is to provide a positive impact for people who find themselves on a journey they never wanted to take. We want to offer our support for future events and hopefully continue to build confidence as a part of a welcoming, approachable and inclusive environment.
If there are any further comments or we would welcome them and if at all possible or feasible we can incorporate some new ideas into the programme. One of the things I would be keen is to reduce the amount of paperwork, you can imagine the amount of paper involved for over a hundred people. So in the age of electronic devices, one aim would be to introduce an online programme with a paper version on request".
Exeter mini-retreat and support day
On Saturday 22 June, 25 bereaved parents came together at a central Exeter venue to join a TCF support day. We spent the day talking and sharing with each other finding comfort, friendship, understanding and hope. A delicious lunch was provided. Peer support like this can really help to know we are not alone and that we are there for one another as we find ways to cope after the death of our precious children. A huge thank you to the volunteers (pictured right who supported at the day - Claire, Jancis, Yvonne, Alison, Teresa, Elaine, as well as Ruth and Carolyn from the Compassionate Friends staff team.
Bernadine, Serena's mum, attended this mini-retreat and she has written up her experience of the day:
"My name is Bernadine and I'm grieving for my beloved daughter, Serena, who took her life in June 2022. When I received the email regarding the retreat day in Exeter, Devon, I thought the day would be perfect to coincide with the second anniversary of Serena's death, which was Sunday 23rd June 2024. And only costing £30.00 for the whole day including lunch suited my budget and was a very affordable price.
I decided to go to Exeter for a long weekend and duly booked my coach and hotel to travel to Exeter from Buckinghamshire where I live. The 9 hour coach journey there didn't deter me, as I was very motivated to meet up with volunteers and other bereaved parents. I have already attended 2 of the weekend retreats in Birmingham and Northampton which I found to be both comforting and friendly etc.
I travelled overnight on the coach, arriving at my hotel in the early hours with just enough time for a couple of hours sleep. I got ready for the conference and my taxi picked me up to get me there for 10 am. I was greeted with a huge smile and a hug from Alison, one of tcf volunteers (I already knew her from previous conferences) and also another lovely lady at the door.
I instantly felt a warm welcome. Coffee, cake and biscuits were being served. I was given a lanyard and programme for the day. I knew straight away I was in the company of people I had longed to be with, as only they could understand what it is to be a bereaved parent.
A lovely lady approached me as I sat down with my coffee and we introduced ourselves and she asked me if she could join me. Of course, I said and we got talking about our precious children. 
At 10 am we all gathered in a large room for the opening words. The group was much smaller than the weekend retreats, there must have been about 30 people. It was lovely but very sad for the reason that brought us together. Then afterwards there was a choice of 3 groups for discussion topics. The smaller groups were very personable and nice. Then after the discussion groups finished another tea break and then another choice of discussion group. We all were invited to share in the group but if you wanted to refrain from talking then that was fine. 
Lunch was served in the cafe area. A magnificent spread of tasty fresh sandwiches, quiché and fruit salad etc. There was plenty to go round. Everyone was so friendly and kind. There were always volunteers on hand to ask any questions you might have. The afternoon was the choice of crafts or two other topics for discussion. I went straight for the crafts as I have done before at other retreats which I found very therapeutic for me. There was an amazing array of craft materials, so much choice. I designed a "miss you" card for Serena. It was at that point I felt overwhelmed with sadness and grief and left the group to get some fresh air....After a few minutes, Alison - one of the volunteers - kindly came out to see if I was OK. I thought that was very caring and thoughtful.
We had afternoon tea and delicious cake, plus we were given friendship cards to swap names and phone numbers which was very useful and a lovely way of keeping in contact. To end the day, we all gathered in the meeting room for the closing speech. I'm afraid to say that by then, I felt so fatigued from not having much sleep, and the full on day, I was unable to pay much attention. We all said our goodbyes and gentle hugs.
Well, what a day! I came away feeling so glad I attended this one day retreat. It was perfectly organised and I got the kind of comfort, I could never get from anyone else; it truly means so much to me to be in the company of bereaved parents.
Needless to say, I went to bed very early that night and slept soundly!
And so, a huge thank you to the TCF volunteers for laying on yet another amazing event!
"Such a supportive weekend...a big warm hug"
January retreat weekend in Northamptonshire
(formerly know as the National Gathering)
“Such a supportive weekend. I described it as a big warm hug. Emotional and exhausting at times, but mainly supportive, inspiring and helpful. I would definitely recommend it.”
The last weekend of January saw over 100 bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents came together for our retreat weekend in the heart of the Northamptonshire countryside. Attendees participated in a range of activities, including sharing sessions, art, writing and creative workshops, yoga, crafting, walking and much more.
We heard from 2 guest speakers including Efrem Brynin, CEO of the charity Strongmen, who spoke about the loss of his son, James, who tragically died on a tour of duty in Afghanistan, his journey since the death of James, including the founding of Strongmen and the peer-to-peer support they offer to bereaved men.
Our second speaker was twice-bereaved sibling, Rachael Claye and you can read a transcript of her talk here.
Thank you to our guest speakers and to all the wonderful volunteers who offered their support and understanding to participants. Thank you to the workshop, activities and sharing session facilitators who kindly donated their time and expertise to create such a successful and beneficial weekend.
We have received some wonderful feedback.
“I was anxious about the retreat weekend, but upon our arrival there was a friendly face to greet us in the car park and show us where to go. This continued throughout the weekend I can honestly say that I have never met such a wonderful group of people in my life so supportive and listening and for the first time in ten months people who got it because they had suffered a loss. I also went to the workshops on crafting and painting and discovered that at the age of 70 I can paint. My youngest son was a wonderful artist so I feel the connection with him. Thank you Compassionate Friends for being there.”
“The sharing sessions...wonderful! It is such a relief to be able to speak freely without worrying about upsetting others. The volunteers did a wonderful job of leading these sessions”.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to feedback to us your thoughts on the weekend. We do consider all the feedback we receive and use your comments to continue to develop and improve our retreats and support days.
Some parents were kind enough to share their thoughts about their weekend at the retreat. See below.
Breaks in SW France for bereaved parents
One of the most difficult things for us to do after the death of a son or daughter is to go away on holiday...having to see all those 'complete' families can be just unbearable. So in 2022, The Compassionate Friends (TCF) were very pleased to form a relationship with Jack and Margaret Reckitt who have a holiday and retreats business, Manoir Mouret, in South West France.
Margaret is a bereaved sibling - she lost her brother when she was in her 20s. In 2024 Jack and Margaret are offering TCF three weeks for TCF members to have a break, at no charge for the accommodation.
Over the last two years, several groups of TCF members have spent a week at Manoir Mouret and experienced not only the peaceful rural property itself but also the companionship of being in a safe supportive space with other bereaved parents.
Some of the parents have kindly shared their thoughts about their break, TCF Parents Feedback (go to Section 5 at the link to read the feedback).
During each TCF week the only guests at Manoir Mouret are TCF members. You can talk together and share your stories if you want or keep more private if you wish. The weeks are not TCF run events and no TCF volunteers or staff will be there in that capacity - but you will know you are among others who 'get it'. Some optional activities are available for those who would like to take part such as a yoga session and a shared pizza making evening.
In 2024 the three TCF weeks at Manoir Mouret will include one week during the school holidays for families with school age children and two for adults only.
Family Week –3 to 10 August 2024. There are still places available for the family week suitable for one larger family or two friends who have school age children and are happy to share once property.
This is for TCF families with at least 1 school aged child (18 and under). Manoir Mouret is made up of 4 individual self-catering properties of different sizes, (sleeping from 4 people to 10 people) so up to 4 families will have their own private holiday home for the week but share outside spaces such as the pool, tennis court and gardens with the other TCF families. We had the first Family Week at Mouret last year. 4 families came with children ranging in age from 6 months to 16. The feedback from the week has been very positive.
Parents Only Weeks – 29 June to 6 July 2024 and 21 to 28 September 2024 BOTH WEEKS NOW FULLY BOOKED
There will be no children staying at Manoir Mouret during these weeks and only bereaved parents will be there.
Please note that for the adult weeks it is ok to go on your own or you might prefer to go with others - perhaps one other or a few parents from a TCF support group or you might have met others at a retreat weekend or support day...you could share one of the gites perhaps or the main house and maybe organise your travel together.
We have put some information together with Jack and Margaret which will hopefully answer some questions you may have including what to do next if you are interested in learning more and/or staying at Mouret in 2024. You can find this at https://www.manoirmouretretreats.com/tcf2024
The Big Online Quiz is back!
The TCF Big Quiz
Thursday 15 February, 7 pm
Online via Zoom
Back by popular demand! Bring together your family, friends and colleagues to play our fun online quiz...with quizmaster extraordinaire, Stephen. AND help us to raise vital funds to support our support and services for bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents.
We welcome teams from anywhere - the corporate world...perhaps your company or business would like to enter a team? - and all our followers and supporters.
More information and to sign up at the link. The Compassionate Friends | Events | TCF Big Quiz
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