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Thank you to all our incredible fundraisers of 2021!

The Compassionate Friends wishes to warmly thank everyone who supported our work this year, including those who made donations, who raised funds in memory of their child or sibling, and who celebrated their birthday via Facebook.

New support day in Glasgow

Our first ever support day for parents bereaved by suicide or substance use was held in Glasgow in early March 2022. Here Karen describes her experience of the day.

On Saturday 5 March, 2022, I spent the day with a roomful of strangers, but we all had one thing in common. We were parents who had lost a child to suicide or substance use.

I was nervous as I drove to the event and had all these thoughts going round in my head...

“What if I cry too much”?

“Would I be able to speak out to a room filled with people I had just met”?

“What if I make a fool of myself”?

All of these thoughts disappeared as soon as I stepped out of my car and was met by one of the volunteers (also parents) who, like us, had suffered the loss of their much loved child.

As we read through the agenda, it was “full-on” with various break out sessions throughout the day.

I would be lying if I didn’t admit to thinking, “What am I doing here”? As I made my way to the first session, (armed with a picture of my beautiful son Daniel) I felt those butterflies in my stomach at what lay ahead.

However, there is gentleness to the sessions which I think, as well as giving you the strength to talk, it also allows you to actively listen to the others who are actually the only group of people who can truly say,

“I know how you feel.”

There are comfortable silences as we listen to the stories of our loved ones and then take a moment to process it all.

Was it sad?..............YES

Was it intense..........YES

Was I emotionally wiped out at the end?.........YES

Was it worth it................ABSOLUTELY YES

You are not alone in your sadness and your own very personal journey of grief.

There are people out there ready to listen and support.

You just need to make the first move.

We are waiting to meet you.

Karen,
Remembering with much love, Daniel Harkins (1997-2020)

Finally back at a weekend retreat

On the weekend of 11-13 February 2022, we ran our first weekend retreat for bereaved parents for 2 years. The pandemic meant that we were not able to offer any supportive weekends for 24 months and it was absolutely brilliant to get back to supporting in person again. This weekend ran at the Ammerdown Centre, near Bath and we supported 50 newly bereaved parents (most bereaved in the last 2-3 years, some just within the last few months).

Carol attended the retreat for the first time and she has given us permission to share with you her experience of the weekend.

"Firstly, a big thank you to all the volunteers for giving their time, compassion and sharing stories of sadness alongside the hope that we all so desperately seek. Also to everyone who had an input in organising behind the scenes to make the weekend run smoothly, it was very well organised. Thank you!

From the Friday car park welcome by Terry and Carolyn to the warm welcome in the lounge where we met Jane it was friendly atmosphere and not too overwhelming.

The hardest part for me was putting on the lanyard with Adam’s name on. I didn’t want to be remembering him, I wanted to hold him and tell him how much I missed him. Holding Adam’s photo in the small group was also hard, after eighteen months my brain wanted to believe he was still working abroad or living down in London. I appreciate now this is all part of grief and learning to live with the loss.

Maria’s talk, ‘Am I going crazy,’ was brilliant, reassuring and just what I needed. Understanding the loss of a child and how to move forward in time.

The sharing sessions were all good and well facilitated.

Steve my husband very much enjoyed Terry’s walk and felt it good to see the local area. Talking to other parents outside of the centre was a relaxing distraction for him.

The ‘Men’s group’ was valuable as it offered him opportunity to talk to other father’s, although he is a regular on the dad’s online meetings it was good to sit and share support face to face in a safe environment.

I am not a writer and found the writing workshop very powerful. Some parents had their own journal’s and regularly put pen to paper. One mum wrote her words like a river flowing down the page. I’d forgotten my notebook! We didn’t share information about our child but I found the experience more emotional because it was about our feelings in that moment, what was in our head, our heart and our hopes for the future.

We analysed a couple of poems, starting with the important words and their meanings. Moving swiftly to having minutes to write a few words , looking at what we’d written, writing it more concisely with meaning. Everyone shared, some stumbling over emotive words and phrases. Finally writing our own short poem, everyone read what they’d written, although not compulsory. They were all brilliant, so different in content and structure.

The opportunity to write with guidance, in a safe nurturing environment with parents who had all had very different experiences of losing a child was cathartic and I felt very proud of what we’d all achieved. A wonderful experience which I would encourage anyone to do, no pressure about spelling or handwriting. Thank you Nigel and all the other parents who took part.

Initially the thought of creating a candle holder provoked my emotions as to why I was doing it. If I’m honest I’m not crafty and thought it was a bit tasteless. Steve and I shared making one together. Seeing the wonderful creations at the candle lighting was emotive and incredibly moving especially when Steve gave me Adam’s photo to hold. Thankfully we had the ‘Nuggets of Comfort and Hope.’ To lift us".

TCF walks are back!

We’ve turned the corner of this winter but still have a little way to go. As we look forward to Spring, TCF will be organising a series of monthly walks through to the Autumn.

2022 will be the fourth year of our London Walks program which grows in popularity each year. The walks are free to all bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings, but all donations are gratefully received.

For some, joining a walk has been their first contact with TCF. Many bereaved parents join the walks regularly and newcomers are warmly welcomed. On every walk there tends to be a mix of new and returning walkers.

The walks are led by bereaved dad Terry Ahern, who is an experienced walk leader and has considerable knowledge of our capital city. The walks often visit places that many have never been to before.

In Terry’s introduction before every walk, he comments that you are in the best company because everyone on the walk with you has lost a child, grandchild or sibling. There are no awkward conversations, you can feel at ease.

Some come along with a partner or family member, others on their own. Whichever way, everyone is welcome and becomes a valued part of our walking community.

There is a cafe lunch stop included but for those wishing to bring a packed lunch there will be a suitable area nearby.

The route begins by meeting at a central station and normally ends close to an underground or railway station with an option to stay a little longer for a well-earned drink at a traditional pub.

For this year, the walks will again alternate between green rand urban areas with commentary on places of interest along the way.

Terry has planned some walks this year which will explore charming parts of the city not on the normal tourist trail such as Islington, Cannonbury and Stoke Newington. We will walk along, not just the Thames but London’s other river, the Lea. There’s lots to look forward to!

In addition and in a change from our usual format, for the first time, there will be a walk embracing the concept of Walking Meditation & Mindfulness. This walk will be in the countryside within easy reach of London, so a 30 minute journey from a mainline station. More details of this will follow.

Save the Date

The first walk for 2022 will be on Saturday 23rd April in Richmond. Those who have been on this walk before will know that the highlight will be the ‘Isabella Plantation’ which should be awash with colour from the incredible collection of azaleas, rhododendron and other beautiful blooms. Find out more details shortly