TCF News, Summer 2022

Summer 2022 - TCF Newsletter | www.tcf.org.uk 2 From the Friday car park welcome by Terry and Carolyn, to the warm welcome in the lounge where we met Jane, it was a friendly atmosphere and not too overwhelming. The hardest part for me was putting on the lanyard with Adam’s name on. I didn’t want to be remembering him, I wanted to hold him and tell him how much I missed him. Holding Adam’s photo in the small group was also hard, after eighteen months my brain wanted to believe he was still working abroad or living down in London. I appreciate now this is all part of grief and learning to live with the loss. Maria’s talk, ‘Am I going crazy?’ was brilliant, reassuring and just what I needed. Understanding the loss of a child and how to move forward in time. The sharing sessions were all good and well facilitated. Steve my husband very much enjoyed Terry’s walk and it felt good to see the local area. Talking to other parents outside of the centre was a relaxing distraction for him. The ‘men’s group’ was valuable as it offered him an opportunity to talk to other fathers. Although he is a regular on the dad’s online meetings it was good to sit and share support face to face in a safe environment. I am not a writer but found the writing workshop very powerful. Some parents had their own journals and regularly put pen to paper. One mum wrote her words like a river flowing down the page. We didn’t share information about our child but I found the experience more emotional because it was about our feelings in that moment, what was in our head, our heart and our hopes for the future. We analysed a couple of poems, starting with the important words and their meanings. Moving swiftly to having minutes to write a few words , looking at what we’d written, writing it more concisely with meaning. Everyone shared, some stumbling over emotive words and phrases. Finally writing our own short poem, everyone read what they’d written, although not compulsory. They were all brilliant, so different in content and structure. The opportunity to write with guidance, in a safe nurturing environment with parents who had all had very different experiences of losing a child was cathartic and I felt very proud of what we’d all achieved. A wonderful experience which I would encourage anyone to do, no pressure about spelling or handwriting. Thank you Nigel and all the other parents who took part. Initially the thought of creating a candle holder provoked my emotions as to why I was doing it. If I’m honest I’m not crafty and thought it was a bit tasteless. Nonetheless Steve and I shared making one together. Seeing the wonderful creations at the candle lighting was emotive and incredibly moving especially when Steve gave me Adam’s photo to hold.