Over 5 Years In
Oct 13: What follows is a chronicle of my thoughts in a typical day, five years after David’s death. Hopefully, it will also serve as a reminder to all of us still struggling to move forward, that we do not walk alone. Your grief is not abnormal or strange, and the fact you think of your deceased child all the time is completely and totally normal.
Finding hope in the darkest of places
Sep 10: Years ago, as a newly qualified CBT therapist in the NHS, I was allocated a patient whose notes filled me with dread and anxiety. Two years previously, this patient had lost her son to suicide. I wondered what I could possibly offer this poor woman who had suffered surely the very worst fate imaginable.
August is the month my life changed
Aug 25: I’m writing this in mid-August. August is the month my life changed - 13 years ago. I was a happy and fulfilled working mum, – juggling a satisfying career with bringing up 3 boys, which was stressful at times, but I was managing fine.
Early Grief Survival Guide: The first month
Aug 3: "In the very early days of grief, my children and I searched the internet for advice. How do we do this grief thing? What will we feel? How long will it last? Some resources were better than others, but few stood out".
Rolling Along Like A Bent Penny
Jun 4: " I’ve learned to carry the pain, to live with it and recognise that it is what I look like now. Bruised, dented and prone to falling over every now and then. But … I get back up again because I have survived the worst that this world can throw at me, and I wobble off into the future".
You will always be the light that colours my jar
May 28: So James. Here's a story. Picture the scene. A hotel, nestled in the Derbyshire Dales, crammed to the rafters....literally.....with mums and dads of angels.... I hear the words..."Maria, don't forget to collect your jam jar before you leave"
Swimming through grief
Mar 5: "Our lives were thrown into a living hell. The shock of it, the cruelty of it, the grim unreality of it. Yet even in those first, nightmarish days when I was living in a fog of despair, I felt a primitive need to get in the water, to swim, to lose myself in the river and the sea".
Have you Ever Wondered? All about the Mourning Light
Sep 30: “Once you have begun to emerge from the darkness of loss, once you have begun to unfurl, blinking in the light, like someone waking from a long sleep, you rarely go back to the black pit of despair where you started".
A long reply to a simple question
Aug 19: This is a long reply to a simple question and the short answer to “does it get better” would be; yes, because it changes and it becomes different. Instead of drowning in sorrow you grow a new skin that keeps you afloat and contains the ocean of pain".
The Power of "and"
Apr 24: “After we left our session that day, I couldn’t stop thinking about that one little word. Ever since Dorothy’s death, I had found myself trying to separate my re-emerging feelings of happiness from the steady depression I was in.