National Bereaved Parents Day 2023

Caroline and Matthew

"They (The Compassionate Friends) have an active online presence where you could always find someone to chat to. They have walks, craft sessions & weekends away with people who get it! Most importantly they got me talking, which was a huge turning point in getting back to being “me”. Today, I am still a bereaved parent. I am still Matthew’s mum". - Caroline

"I am a bereaved parent - my oldest son Matthew died age 2 in 2005 from complications arising from heart surgery.

Looking back, I truly feel like my body put me into a state of shock for about 2 years to cope with the scale of loss – and while I appeared to the outside world to function quite normally – I was basically sleepwalking through life. Even now, I have periods of that time which are still a complete blank! I felt so alone. I didn’t know anyone else who had lost a child and genuinely felt I must be grieving “wrongly” when time continued to pass, and the feelings of loss and pain weren’t getting better….

I vividly remember a friend calling me about 18 months after Matthew died and asking how I was… “I’m fine”, was my almost robotic reply. “No, Caroline – I am asking, HOW ARE YOU?” I broke down. I told her how utterly exhausted I was, how alone I felt, how dark life was... My friend just listened, but I will never forget that phone call, or be able to express how grateful I am that she asked twice.

As a direct result of that call, I went to my GP - I just wanted them to know I was not fine. The GP was kind and listened – but could not give me any practical help or advice. I went on the internet - I created a memorial page where it was cathartic to tell our story – I devoured books on child loss and bereavement - I sought out other bereaved parents – then I found The Compassionate Friends (TCF).

TCF is a charity that supports parents and families after the death of a child, of any age, from any cause. They had a local support group where I could go and just talk about Matthew – where people wanted to know about his life, not just about his death. They have an active online presence where you could always find someone to chat to. They have walks, craft sessions & weekends away with people who get it! Most importantly they got me talking, which was a huge turning point in getting back to being “me”.

Today, I am still a bereaved parent. I am still Matthew’s mum. However, my experience means that I am also now hugely passionate about creating an open and ongoing conversation on the invisibly of mental health, to supporting other bereaved families, and to highlighting the huge benefits of simply talking to others in a safe and supportive environment #asktwice #saytheirname #youarenotalone