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“It is the first time I have genuine hope."

On 16^th May, fifty parents who were in the first three years of their bereavement since losing a beloved child arrived at the Ammerdown Centre in Somerset for a TCF supportive retreat.

Many described feeling apprehensive and daunted at the prospect of spending an entire weekend with fellow bereaved parents and potentially opening up about their grief with strangers. Yet each one was met by a welcoming bereaved parent volunteer either in the car park, at the door, or even at the local bus stop – and began to feel warm reassurance that this supportive weekend retreat was the right place to be.

After a gentle introduction to the weekend, parents broke off into smaller sharing groups to start getting to know one another, and to listen to the stories of their children. Sharing sessions continued throughout the weekend, facilitated by volunteers, exploring particular subjects such as similar circumstances of death, managing social situations, and grief within family dynamics. Cecily, Jen’s mum, told us:

“I found just listening to others, whether talking about their children or about their everyday lives since the death of their child, really helpful and assuring that the feelings I experience everyday are totally normal. I learned so much from them all.”

Lizzi’s dad expressed similar feedback:

“The group sessions were well facilitated and it was good to hear so many parents’ points of view and experiences. It helps to know that others share the same emotions and feelings and also have experienced similar difficulties. Everyone was very open and honest and able to share without any judgement.”

There were creative workshops planned throughout the weekend, such as writing, bracelet-making and building terrariums (bottle gardens).  For those who wanted to engage in movement, there was a walk in the local countryside and a gentle yoga session. Andrea, Jordan’s mum, said that these options “gave us chance to talk to lots of people in a less formal way”. Charlie’s dad described the walk as “a lovely way to unwind” and the creative workshops as “the perfect balance” to the sharing sessions.

Saturday evening ended with the candle lighting remembrance, where all parents - volunteers and attendees alike – gathered to reflect on their time together and remember their children. Parents were encouraged to decorate a candle jar, in which each flame was lit to represent their beloved child and placed next to photographs of them. Described as “moving” and “unforgettable”, the candle lighting consolidated the shared grief of everybody present. Aidan’s mum “felt a strong sense of community beyond shared pain,” that left her feeling “much lighter” at the end of the retreat. Opportunity for this connection with a community of fellow bereaved parents is exactly what makes support from TCF so impactful and unique.

Throughout each and every activity, peer support remained at the heart of this retreat. Jordan’s mum, Andrea, said:

“Being surrounded by bereaved parents who just understand completely is very supportive, comforting and liberating…Seeing the volunteers and knowing they survived and listening to their stories gives hope to us all.”

Alex’s dad, John, agreed with her; “Seeing and hearing stories from volunteers who were further along the path provided hope.” Charlie’s mum summarised how the weekend felt and why it was so important to her:

“To be able to feel so safe and held up by other parents who are walking the same path means so much to me. I came to the retreat looking for two things - validation of my feelings and glimmers of hope for the future in a world without Charlie. I absolutely came away with those aims met. To listen to parents who feel as I do is so comforting. To see that others are able to let joy back into their lives gives me hope for my future.”

Hope is such a prominent theme that has been touched on in all the feedback we have received from this retreat for parents in early bereavement. To be able to offer hope to parents who have experienced the worst possible grief in life is extraordinarily precious. We owe it to our incredible bereaved parent volunteers and staff for sharing their stories and extending empathy and compassion to those who are at an earlier point in their grief. There is one final piece of feedback from Joe’s mum that truly expresses all we can wish for, for any parent after the death of their child:

“It is the first time I have genuine hope. I know we are on a lifelong journey and we’re only at the start but I honestly came away thinking, maybe one day everything will get a little better and we can live again.”

If you would like to attend a TCF retreat or other supportive event, view our upcoming events here.